Jiwon enters the house with the heavy luggage and his eyes are plastered on the TV screen where it plays a trailer of a new show with YG trainees competing for a spot to debut.
He closes the door and carries the luggage without diverting his eyes from the TV.
Not noticing his presence yet, his brother said, "Aigoo, my brother could have been there," and he lets out a sinister laugh, "But yeah, it's better that he couldn't. It will be too embarassing—"
Bobby quietly goes to his brother's side and puts down the luggage, "Here."
His brother quickly changes the channel after noticing Jiwon there and awkwardly coughs. Jiwon quickly leaves the living room realizing that his father and mother are both glaring at him.
He closes the door to his room and lies on the bed with a soft sigh.
"Bullshit."
He turns his eyes to the notebook on the study table and smiles.
"At least, I have you. Right?"
He gets up and grabs the notebook with a pen.
He opens the notebook and a small smile appears as he looks at everything he wrote and drew in the book, sheets by sheet, until he stops at the current page.
Of which he drew the Cappucino girl— oh, her name's Jisoo.
He read the short caption that he wrote beside the drawing of her beautiful face.
"I like darkness more than brightness
Because the darkness hides me
But you changed all of that
When you shine on me with your smile"
His smile gets wider remembering the short encounter before. She's really shining.
And he turns to another page before taking a deep breath and starts writing whatever comes into his mind today.
It is a day off.
Jiwon wakes up early and goes out to exercise a little, after not having the time to do so due tight working schedules. He jogs along the Han River near his flat diligently before he bumps into his long-time-no-see bestfriend who happens to jog there too.
"Song Yunhyeong!" He exclaims happily and the said man turns to him in shock.
"Kim Jiwon?" His handsome face brightens, "Gosh, it's really Kim Jiwon!"
The both of them hug lovingly, after not meeting for so long. Ever since high school ended back then.
"Yah, we really lost contact, so now, what are you up to?" Yunhyeong being so eager, as he is and Jiwon just loves that about him.
Jiwon shrugs, "Nothing special. Just... Have been hanging in there.. To survive," he notices the glint of concern in Yunhyeong's eyes, "But I'm still doing great nonetheless, so no worries." He forces out a smile.
Yunhyeong also smiles.
"Me too. But I'm relieved that I'm living my dream, though it's freaking hard," and he makes a struggling look on his face.
"Living your dream..?" Jiwon tries to remember what was his friend's dream and his eyes turns round, "You become an actor??"
Yunhyeong shyly giggles, "It's still early, but yeah, I only had supporting roles for now. It still feels good, though."
Jiwon is very happy.
His friend gets to do what he wants the most.
Meanwhile him...
"What about you, Jiwon?" Yunhyeong asks with a fond smile, cannot wait to hear about it.
"It's a shame, but I couldn't," he murmurs.
Jiwon wanders around the playground that night, not even knowing what the heck is wrong with him to stay outside that late night, in that cold breeze.
He eventually lands himself on the swing and looks at his watch which shows that it's past 12.30 a.m.
He has been there, like for 3 hours already.
She said to come here at night.
He bits his own lips, thinking about her again.
Guess I planted empty hopes again.
He sighs, getting mad at himself for thinking that he could have, even a slight chance to be close to her.
But still, it is calming to sit there, like that. He unknowingly beams, to feel that calming sensation that he needs the most. He knows, he has found a new place where he finds peace.
Disrupting the peace, he hears small footsteps not far from him. His field of vision catches the solemn figure of the person that he waited since before.
He inwardly smiles to finally have a glimpse of her, before he realizes how much her shoulder is drooped. And she is looking down while walking with very sad and weak footsteps.
He begins to wonder if something bad happens.
Even so, she still looks so freaking beautiful with the winds softly gushing over her face and her long brunette hairs.
She walks past him without noticing his presence there even Jiwon is staring at her since the beginning.
So, she does feel sad. She looked so bright that I didn't notice, she looks more sad than ever.
Jisoo sighs as she walks home, not even noticing that she just walked past Jiwon as she is deep in her own deep thoughts. However, the loud sound of her ringtone snaps her out of it. Seeing the dialler's name, she feels like wanting to reject the call, but she hates herself that she answers the call instead.
"Yes, Jen?"
"Where are you going, Unnie?" She presses her lips lightly at the sound of Jennie whispering as if someone might hear them.
"Home, of course, why?"
"Unnie, stop right now," Jennie sounds so urgent, so she immediately halts her step, before Jennie adds, "That person is right behind you. The waiter!"
Jisoo's eyebrows furrow in shock. She almost turns her head to look when she decides not to. Instead, she loudly says to the phone, "Ahhhh... Damn it, I forget it again!"
And she turns around naturally.
She finally spots Jiwon there on the swing, who quickly looks down the ground with a tint of blush on his cheeks when their eyes made contact before.
She pretends to realize only then that he was there, "Oh, you..." She points her fingers to him with a soft laugh, "Hey, Mr Waiter, Kim Jiwon, isn't it?"
He finally takes the courage to look up at her and forms a soft smile, "Hi."
She approaches him with a wide smile and lands herself on the swing as well. And Jiwon feels so warm seeing that she smiled again, though he now knows that there might be some sorrow stories under her eyes.
"Did you actually wait for me?" She bravely asks, trying to make it sound like a joke.
Jiwon has his cheeks reddened at the question, but he still answers, "I guess...so..."
She feels so happy even at the thought that he really waited for her because she said she would be here. How awful of her to make him wait like this.
"Thank you," she warmly says again, the magical words that gets his heart turns warm in a matter of seconds, though it is very cold at the moment.
"Finally I have someone to keep me company at times like this," she says meaningfully and looks at him, "Today is a very bad day, you see."
He also looks at her and mutters, "I can see that."
"Obvious much?" He nods to her timid question and she reluctantly smiles, "So, can you be my listener for tonight?"
He nods readily, "Sure."
She stops the swing and looks down, "I feel so fucking worthless today."
His eyes get widen at the unexpected remark coming from someone as beautiful as her.
"Why...do you think so?"
She seems to be in trouble from saying them, so he takes his courage to softly hold her hand, "It's okay, I'm here to listen to you. About everything. I'm here."
She turns to him and smiles again, before replying, "Thank you."
That words again.
She suddenly asks him, "Do you know about YG Entertainment?"
"Y..G..?" He turns to the other way while trying to force out a fake chuckle and abruptly stops when she responds with an unreadable smile, "You must know about it, don't you?"
"O.. Of course I know. Why...do you suddenly ask me about that, so suddenly?"
"I... I'm a trainee there, actually," she finally confesses and sighs, "And it's very hard lately," hearing no response from him, she looks at him who has his eyes widen real big this time and laughs, "Why??" She makes a cute voice, "Don't I look like one?"
And the two of them chuckle together before it ends awkwardly.
"I just.. Can't believe that I'm actually talking to future superstar from YG," he teases her playfully and she snickers, "As if."
"Anyway, what happened, Jisoo?" He asks, paying full attention to her.
"Did you see the news about YG's new survival show?" She asks him back and he flusters this time, because that's the news he saw before. Even so, he did nod to her question.
She sighs, which means something not good from the news.
"From last year, Yang Sajangnim actually wanted to debut girl group, ummm, did you perhaps, know about that?"
He shakes his head, "I don't really get updated with current news like that," and mouths sorry to her.
She smiles, "It's fine. Anyway, he changed his mind recently, and decided to debut boy group instead."
He tries to comprehend it, "So, he was supposed to debut you and the other girls, but now, he changed the plan," he says with his eyebrows furrowed, "And why is that?"
This time, Jisoo sighs heavily.
"It's because of me."
"What...do you mean.?"
She forces out a smile, "Because I'm incompetent, compared to the other girls."
He presses his lips together, feeling bad seeing her without confidence like this.
"I understand his decision and just keeps training real hard every day, but it's very difficult. So damn hard," she mutters with a small smile, trying all her might to hide her pain, "Especially today, I just lost it."
"Why...?" He softly asks.
"A dance practice video of me and my team members gets leaked online yesterday."
"Ohh..." Is his only response.
"And I get numerous critism from the netizens," she lets out a small laugh, "Things like why is she so bad at dancing, she looks horrible, pretty face with stiff body, just quit —"
"Did you actually read all the bad comments?"
Jisoo looks at him and he finally spots the tears welled in her eyes, just waiting to be dropped. Just waiting.
She turns away and nods, "Though it hurts, I have to know what people think about me."
"Who the heck actually leaked the video?" He asks his curiousity.
"Sajangnim himself," the tears finally make their way out her eyes, "He wanted to see the public's reaction to us girls, but since they harshly chewed me out, he finally decided to go with his current plan to debut the boy group instead."
Jiwon bits his lower lip, feeling really bad for her.
"I just want to quit the more I read the comments, I mean—" she wipes away the tears hastily, "They are right, after all."
Jiwon doesn't like this.
He doesn't like seeing her in despair like this.
No, she is a bright girl, how could they make her cry like this?
"Jennie can sing well, even raps too. Chae has a very nice voice. Lalisa is a very great dancer. While me?" Another drop of tears flow down her cheeks, "I don't have anything to appeal myself. To sajangnim. To the public. Nothing."
She diverts her eyes toward him after letting out the things she has been concerned about, which she never told anyone at all. But then, she realized that he is actually looking at his own phone instead of focusing his full attention on her.
"Are you even listening—" she pouts sadly before leaning toward him and only then noticing that he is searching for something online, "W- what are you searching for?"
"Your leaked video."
Her eyes round with his nonchalant answer and she quickly gets up from her swing and tries to snatch his phone away but he swiftly dodges her attack with a cute giggle.
"I already found it," he shows it off to her before running away from her to the bench not far from the swing.
She follows him suit with anxious heart and wails, "Kim Jiwon, please don't watch that video!~" and runs to him when he replies, "I am a public too!"
She sighs as he is already watching it. She surrenders and sits beside him on the bench with a shy look, waiting for his version of response.
"Woah, you actually got nice expression on your face while dancing," he releases his first comment when he saw her mouthing to the lyric to Rihanna's BBHMM as the background music of the dance.
He suddenly pauses the video and uses his eyes to zoom on the video audience in the video.
"Wait, why are there so many familiar people here?" He asks, more to himself.
She leans closer to him and asks, "Who?"
He looks again at the tall girl with braided hair, "I might be mistaken, I guess. I mean, she just looks like someone that I have seen before."
She begins to feel insecure, "Is it Chaeyoung?"
"It's really her?" He gets shocked again. Damn, I have been crushing on a trainee
When he focuses again to the video, he also sees the guy who he assumed as Chae's boyfriend from back then, who kept insulting him.
"Then, is this guy a trainee too?" He asks her as he points to the figure just beside YG. That rude bastard is a trainee too? With Chaeyoung? Or...
She shakes her head, "Nah, he's one of our dance instructor. A junior actually. His name is Koo Junhoe, if you wanna know."
"No thanks," he replies wearily.
She smiles as she knows why would he say that to that Junhoe, as Chaeyoung told her everytime Junhoe tried to be rude to him again.
She then points to the figure beside Junhoe, "How about this guy? Do you recognize him?"
He squints his eyes to take a better look, "Not really. But I do think he is familiar."
She giggles, "He's Kim Hanbin. Your fellow waiter in that cafe."
"Whaaaat?" He exclaims, "How did he... Why is he here?"
She giggles again with his cute reaction, "During night, he is a producer. He produces songs for most YG artists, oh, he goes by name B.I as a producer."
"He is B.I???" He exclaims again, in a total disbelief, "What the fuck, I always comment on B.I's Instagram posts!" He palms himself thinking that he had embarassed himself in front of his own bestfriend without him realizing, "Aihh, so embarassing~"
She pats his shoulder, "It's fine. You make him feel good."
He frowns, "No wonder he never post his face, aish, that asshole!"
"Actually, Jinwoo Oppa was a YG trainee too. He trained with us for 3 years before he had to quit because of some personal matter."
Jiwon tries to comprehend everything again as everything starts to make more sense now.
"No wonder they know about you, from the start," he ruffles his hair frustratedly, "Ah, I feel so dumb now."
He looks back at the video and decides to watch from the beginning again because he, actually really likes the vibe that Jisoo gave from the first take. The moment she lifts up her eyes and the way her mouth singing the song while dancing.
He can tell already that she is gonna own good stage presence.
"Let me introduce you to my team members," she offers but he shakes his head, "It's fine, I want to guess by myself."
She snorts at him and smiles anyway, to see his super focused eyes now.
"The blonde seems to have such charisma even in her dance. She must be the one you said good in dance, Lisa, I guess? Even her name doesn't look local, anyway, so this one fits that the most," he says as he admires Lisa's dancing skills. "Wow, she looks so confident while dancing, and seems relaxed enough, I gotta say."
She smiles at his remark, which is accurate, she gotta say?
"This is Jennie," she points at the girl with a black cap, "She is very charismatic while doing her own things, like singing and rapping, she can do both. Very well."
"She really has that...you know, a leader vibe," he comments, "She's always in center after all."
"I know right, but she never wants to be one," she unexpectedly complains, "Like, we need a leader to go on and she's the most fitted one, but she really flatly said No to Sajangnim and instead, pointed at me," she makes a she's crazy hand gesture with annoyed look to him.
He just can't help giggling after what she blabbers on, "Okey, then?"
"And I have to be one," she gives him a I'm done face, this time.
"Wow, then, you actually have a role, Kim Jisoo!'
She glares at him for that sarcasm.
"Easy, girl," he smiles cutely to warm her heart when she lifts up her hand as if to smack him, "I mean, listen to me."
He grabs her hand that wanted to smack him before and hold it gently, "Everything that you read online, all the hate comments, all the mockings, let them be."
He sighs, "Yeah, it's not easy to ignore, but right now, you are the one who is pursuing your dream, not them."
She nods understandingly, starting to get ahold of herself. Without drifting her eyes from him.
"Let them think you are just a visual who lacks, who can't sing or whatsoever. Instead, you go ballistic with showing off your talents once you debut. Who cares whatever they think, the most important thing is for you to finally debut, right? Show them what you are capable of then. Make them eat their words, for real."
She smiles softly.
"There are still more time until you debut. There are still more time for you to polish your skills and talents," he winks, "I guess YG wants you to take all the time to improve yourself and find confidence that has lost because of those people's words. After all, he appointed you to be the leader, so he must really want you to stay instead of quitting."
She holds his hand back with a fond smile, "Jiwon... Really, thank you so much."
That words again.
"I'm glad I meet you here tonight," she says, feeling so grateful to him, feeling like all the burdens are lifted from her shoulder.
"My pleasure too," he replies shyly.
The time passes by without them pulling their hand from each other, as if they just want to hold hands for eternity.
"Anyway, can you sing for me?" He suddenly asks, breaking the silence in the air.
"Sing?" She begins to feel shy to sing in front of him, "No, you will laugh at my voice."
"Come on, I have to hear first before I know if I'm gonna laugh or not."
She sighs lightly before singing G-Dragon's "Untitled, 2014" slowly.
As she finishes, he smiles inwardly, "No wonder YG doesn't want to lose you."
She furrows her eyebrows wigh his unexpected words. Like seriously, she thought he would be laughing and all, but he said that instead.
"YG loves unique things, doesn't he?" He lightly nudges her arm, "You have such pretty unique, hoarse, deep voice. It's very unusual to find that kind of voice among idols, you know."
"You know a lot about our Sajangnim," she nudges him back, "You know, I actually auditioned on the same day with you, back then."
He turns speechless with what she exposed to him. "You were...there?"
"Why...did you... Turn down the offer?" She tries to look into his eyes, wondering about the question she had about him from the first day she became YG Trainee.
"I heard you successfully passed the audition, but you turned down the offer. Just... Why..?"
He reluctantly giggles and says, "I will answer that question if you agree to be my girlfriend."
She snorts in disbelief at his words.
He winks at her teasingly.
"Fine," she gives him a confident look, "I will be your girlfriend."
He bursts out laughing, "Hey, do you want to be eliminated? YG doesn't allow dating, right?"
She pouts at him for getting her and he laughs heartily, though his heart is beating like crazy, just at the thought that she will be his dear girlfriend.
"Come on, it's getting really late. We should head home already."
She nods though she actually wants to talk with him more.
"Then, see you tomorrow, at the cafe," she hurriedly says before cutely running away from him, as she is embarassed that she wants to see him again, and again.
He can only forms a warm smile seeing her like that.
Before he realized it.
So, does that mean she actually knows me from the beginning? Hanbin and Jinwoo. No. They can't be planning this together...?
Kim Jiwon is just an ordinary boy who works at a cafe, not far from YG Building.
Jiwon's diary. (:
